she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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