Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize