I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
