she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
