And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I sprained my soul last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
