I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
