So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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