Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
