im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
