My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
