This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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