I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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