You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
