Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
