Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
