:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
