It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
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Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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