Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
