words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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