No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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