omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
