It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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