feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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