pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
