i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
