Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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