And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
