If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
