I'm going to jail i love you
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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