I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
