When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
