When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
