4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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