i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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