PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
