ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize