i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
