she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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