ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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