remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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