So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize