Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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