it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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