He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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