I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
