Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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