We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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