What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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