That's intense
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
