U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
