Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize