You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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