I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dear god my vagina.
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