they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
