marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
