the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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