You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
