@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
