Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
