I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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