i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
