I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
