those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
