So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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