Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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