Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
