im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
