I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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