it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Drake has all the answers
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
