The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
