It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
