I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
